Have you changed certain things about yourself, in order to “co-exist” in your relationship, with less drama. It’s something many people do, without even noticing, until way down the line, when it becomes a problem. Even I admit to having done it.
A really good friend of mine used to tell her husband about her tough days at work all the time. However, hubby didn’t have an empathetic bone in his body. So he would always interrupt her and say, “If you don’t like it, then quit.” That was always his response. He’d also throw in comments about how it was her fault for handling situations incorrectly, etc. She eventually stopped telling him about her day. It was just easier to avoid that tension. He wondered later why she stopped sharing info about her day and wondered if she was hiding things.
Another friend of mine shared things about her past with her man, and it never failed that when they had arguments, he’d throw those things back up in her face, and use it against her to throw salt in a wound. With very hurt feelings, she also stopped sharing. Her guy was then confused about why she suddenly became so tight-lipped about herself.
A co-worker of mine used to dress very glamorously, and her guy loved it. It’s what attracted him to her. However, he didn’t like the time it took for her to get ready and make herself look that super glamorous. I know you can feel where I’m going with this. He repeatedly nagged her about taking so long to get ready that she cut that time in half. But there went the beautiful, high maintenance hairstyles, fancy make-up, and elaborate wardrobe. He now wishes she put more effort into her daily look.
I won’t even go into the story about my friend, who’s husband complained she was spending way too much money on lingerie. Silly man.
My hunny used to always say, “Why can’t you be more like me?,” when he felt I was doing something girly or reacting in typical girl fashion. Now he wishes that that small bit of girly still existed, because I shut it all down… being more like him like he said he wanted. It was easier to do that than to repeatedly hear those comments or be teased. I’ve also been in a long distance relationship way longer than is anywhere near cute, which has definitely hardened me quite a bit. The distance has never been my choice, but a girl’s got to be tough when she’s on her own. No time to be a wuss when life starts kicking up crap and you’re the only one around to handle it.
Now, it’s not all one-sided, with men saying things to their chicks. A girlfriend of mine used to resent all the time her man spent on his hobbies; including working out, playing sports, and wanting to go out. So, he stopped and became a home-body. He’s now out of shape, carrying extra weight, and never seems to want to do anything fun. She absolutely HATES it!
These are a few cautionary tales about how one’s partner can create someone they don’t like, even though they were the one who asked for the change.
Maybe you’ve done this. Maybe it’s happened to you. Either way, it can make for relationship disaster that almost never reverses. Let’s work to appreciate and embrace the differences. After all, you were attracted to your partner for a reason. If you start monkeying around with what makes them “them,” you’ll probably take away some of their irresistible charm.